By Gino Blefari
President & CEO
Intero Real Estate Services, Inc.

So this week we’re back with more on The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane.  Overcoming the obstacles that keep you from being your charismatic self are hard to conquer without the right tools to do so.  Chapter four of The Charisma Myth, gives you the specific tools to set yourself up for success no matter what difficult feelings arise whether it be self-doubt, impatience, annoyance, or irritation (see Chapter 3 for details).  Skillfully handling these difficult experiences is a three-step process which includes destigmatizing discomfort, neutralizing negativity, and rewriting reality.

Here are the key takeaways from Chapter four to help you on your way to overcoming obstacles.  I definitely suggest you read through this chapter on your own, though, specifically for the activity suggestions that Cabane includes.  They are great tools to assist in conquering the obstacles and get you closer to being more charismatic.

Chapter Four Takeaways:

  • To be charismatic, you must first learn to overcome the primary obstacle to charisma: internal discomfort.
  • Skillfully handle internal discomfort with a three-step process: destigmatize your discomfort, neutralize your negative thoughts, and rewrite your perception of reality.
  • Destigmatize and dedramatize uncomfortable feelings by remembering that they are survival instincts and a natural part of the human experience.  Think of others who’ve gone through this before – especially people you admire – and see yourself as part of a community of human beings experiencing the same feeling at the same moment.
  • Neutralize unhelpful negative thoughts by remembering that the mind often distorts reality and filters your environment to highlight the negative.  Think of your negative thoughts as graffiti on the wall – you may find it an ugly sight, but just because you see an ugly sight doesn’t mean you’re an ugly person.
  • Rewrite reality by considering a few helpful alternatives to your current perspective.  For maximum effect, write down your new realities by hand and describe them in vivid detail.
  • For advanced practice, delve into the physical sensations of discomfort.  Focusing on the sensations gives your mind something concrete to focus on, drawing your attention away from your feeling that the experience is unbearable.